Living the good life, 1 Peter 3:8-12

I’m sure you have all heard of someone who is at the top of the world, or the height of fame, or something to that effect, and they are said to be “living the good life.” In the jargon of the world the phrase “living the good life” is associated with having an abundance of material things to enjoy; money, nice clothes, good food, luxurious vacations, and expensive cars, beautiful  houses and beautiful people.  To the world it means having the kind of life that is fulfilling, that is happy, that has all the luxuries of life in abundance.  This is the American dream.  I think you might even say for a lot of people that it’s the Christian dream.  To have all that your heart desires is considered by many Christians today to be the fulfillment of the gospel in our lives. They quote the verse found in Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart.”  They believe that the good life means to have all that your heart desires.  They believe you get to obtain the material blessings which many teach are the results of being spiritually blessed.  Some preachers have made this doctrine the hallmark of their ministries, “how you can live your best life now.” 

The question though is whether or not our perspective of what constitutes the good life is formed by our carnality or by our spirituality. 

Peter speaks in this chapter about living the good life.  He speaks about the blessings the Christian can expect.  And for those of you who like step by step directions, he even gives us a formula for living the good life.  We like formula’s don’t we?  Well, Peter gives us, so to speak, a formula or a series of steps we can take in order to life the good life.  But I will warn you in advance, the good life in God’s perspective probably looks quite different from that in the beer commercials that the world promises.

In vs 10 Peter is quoting from Psalm 34:12, “Who is the man who desires life

And loves length of days that he may see good?” The Septuagint version, which is the Greek translation of the Old Testament that Peter and the apostles were familiar with, says it this way, as translated into the KJV; “For he that will love life, and see good days…” So semantics aside, the gist of what is being said is that if you want to live the good life, then these things are the principles you must live by.

Now I want to clarify one more thing by way of introduction before we get into the formula. And that is - what is this good life that is spoken of? Well, it’s the same kind of life that Jesus spoke of when He said in John 10:10, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”  The Greek word for life there is the same word that is used by Peter, which is zoe.  And let me give you the definition of zoe; it means the state of one who is possessed of vitality or is animated.  It means to really live in all the fullness of life. So it speaks not just of physical life, but also spiritual life, having the fullness of life as it was intended at creation,  an abundant life, even everlasting life. 

Let me say further as an answer to my own earlier question, that the good life is found by living life in the Spirit, not in the flesh. It’s not found in carnal, material possessions, but it’s found in walking by the Spirt, living in the Spirit.  So while Peter does talk about inheriting blessings in vs 9, he is not necessarily talking about carnal possessions, or money, or riches.  Material things do not satisfy.  They don’t bring fulfillment, they do not give happiness, and they certainly are not tied to an eternal reward. Jesus said in another place, "Beware, and be on your guard against every form of greed; for not [even] when one has an abundance does his life consist of his possessions.”  And Paul in Galatians warns that “For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.”

And as I have said many times before, everlasting life or eternal life is not something we gain when we die and get to heaven.  It’s something that begins when you are born again.  And this new life in Christ is spiritual life, nurtured and taught by the Holy Spirit, and one in which we are to grow and mature.  And that maturation process is what we call sanctification.  Where we begin to follow in the pattern of Christ, following in His footsteps, as Peter outlined in chapter 3vs21, and in so doing we develop the mind of Christ, we act in righteousness, we become conformed to the image of Jesus Christ, that the world might see by our testimony of life the truth of the gospel and that they might be saved.

This sanctified life that we live is what Peter is talking about as the zoe life. It’s what was symbolized by the Israelites entering into the Promised Land.  It’s what we who have the life are supposed to desire, that we might see good days, and that we might inherit a blessing.  And that blessing is the gift of everlasting, eternal, zoe life.

So in vs 8 he says he is summing up what he has been saying all along.  He's summing up this teaching about sanctification. And the goal of our sanctification is that our life may be like Christ’s life.  That’s the abundant life.  That’s zoe life. It’s not a life free from illness, it’s not a life free from suffering, or from persecution. It’s not a life filled with all the world’s goods.  It’s a vibrant, spiritual life, a meaningful, fulfilling eternal life even though you may  suffer physically.  Just a cursory read of 1 Peter  and you will see that he was writing to Christians who were suffering, who were being persecuted.  And yet again and again he makes the point in this epistle that in spite of their suffering, they should live righteously, living in the fullness of the Spirit led life.  

So let’s get into the formula for the good life.  A life that God defines as good, and that God will bless.  The first point that Peter makes is that such a life requires the right attitude. It requires the right perspective. It requires the mind of Christ. And he goes on to say that this right attitude will be characterized by five things.

The first aspect of a right attitude is harmonious. “To sum up, all of you be harmonious.” Harmonious means to be like be like minded.  To think the same, that's what harmonious means, to be like-minded. It has the sense of unity. Let me qualify that though by saying this; unity for the sake of unity without believing in the same truth is not Biblical.  So particularly in church doctrine, we do not compromise the truth for the sake of unity.  

But I’m not sure that ecumenical unity is what Peter is really referring to here.  I think he’s talking about having the same goal.  Not working against one another, but working with one another. I think the idea of having a complementary attitude is what is being said here. Not  by flattery, but working with one another even though you may not all be singing the same note.  Recognizing that God uses varying talents, and varying gifts, in order to orchestrate harmony.  As Paul said to the church at Corinth, all the parts of the body are necessary.  A good analogy might be a choir, where everyone sings, but they sing with individual voices and singing different parts, and yet the whole sounds harmonious.  We should look for ways to work with others,  to be a complement to one another in achieving the goal of the gospel, rather than try to expect everyone be like us.  And I also suspect that Peter is particularly thinking of the husband and wife relationship, that it should be harmonious, even though they may have different roles, as we talked about last week in the previous passage.

The second word that Peter uses in regards to the right attitude is sympathetic. Sympathetic means to show sympathy.  It means caring about another’s problems.  Showing sympathy towards someone who is suffering.  Too often the church is viewed by the world as unsympathetic.  We seem like we condemn everyone who isn’t one of us. And yet we forget where we came from.  We forget who we once were and what we were like before we were saved.  Because we were fallen, sinful creatures we should be able to show sympathy to those who are also fallen, who are held captive by sin, and suffering the ravages of the devil.  It doesn’t mean we wink at sin, but that we have mercy on those who are still in their fallen condition.  Zechariah 3:1-2 speaks of Joshua the high priest as a brand plucked from the burning.  Jude speaks of having mercy on some, snatching them out of the fire.  Both indicate the means by which we were added to the church, which was only by God’s grace and mercy.  And so we should be caring towards others, and sympathetic towards those who are suffering.

The third word he uses is the word from which we get Philadelphia.  It’s translated as brotherly. It’s talking about an attitude of brotherly love that should be a characteristic of the good life. This kind of love is related to a love of family.  It’s recognizing that all fellow believers are of the family of God.  It’s sharing in the kind of love that God had for the world, in that He gave His only begotten Son in order that they might be saved.  It’s the kind of love that the Good Samaritan showed towards the man that he found by the road who had been robbed and beaten.  Jesus said the world will know you are My disciples by your love you show for one another.  

The fourth word is “kind-hearted.”    It means “compassionate.”  It means tender-hearted.  It’s sympathy in action.  It means showing mercy.  Showing love.  It’s one thing to have sympathy for someone who is in need, and another thing to act to serve that need. The Good Samaritan could have had all kinds of sympathetic feelings about the person lying in the ditch and yet done nothing.  But he showed compassion in getting down from his horse and tending the man’s wounds, and paying for his medical needs and physical needs from his own money.  Compassion is an attribute of Christ that we should emulate.

The fifth word is humble in spirit. Jesus was humble in spirit.  Above all others, He had a right to be exalted. Phil. 2:6-8 “who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped,  but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, [and] being made in the likeness of men.  Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”   Paul tells us in Philippians what it means to be humble;  Phil. 2:3-4 “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;  do not [merely] look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”James 4:6 says, “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

So these five attributes are the characteristics of the right attitude, which is necessary if you are going to have the good life.  And of course, it should be evident that the one person in whom all these attributes were most clearly exhibited was Jesus Christ.  And Peter has said that we are to follow His example by walking in his footsteps.

In addition to the right attitude, we need to have the right response if we would live the good life. And to that Peter says in vs 9, “not returning evil for evil or insult for insult.” We’ve talked about this before, about not giving a tit for tat.  Not treating others as you are treated. 

The fact is that there is evil in the world.  There is more evil than there is good.  In fact, evil is the default position of the world, I am afraid. It’s more natural to do evil than good.  I was talking with someone the other day and he mentioned that it seemed the majority of people that he came into contact with through his work or daily activities seemed to be rude.  He said it seemed like that most people were so concerned about their own problems that they had no energy or inclination to be nice to others.  But there was one woman that he mentioned that was always nice.  And she made such an impression upon him, especially because so many others were rude.

As Christians, as people of God, don’t you think we ought to be one of those people that someone might say, “she is always so nice.” I’m afraid that I might act more rude than I actually  feel.  I admit I don’t always act nice, but I guess I don’t realize that I sometimes act rude.  And yet I am told by my family that because of my carelessness, or my preoccupation with something or another, I often come across as rude.  It’s something that we should work on.  It’s not the way we are supposed to act.  

The key is not to retaliate when you are mistreated. Not to come back with a retort.  I have been on the receiving end of some harsh criticism a few times in my life.   And though I can’t say I am always this way, I have tried on a couple of occasions to bend over backwards to diffuse the situation. And when I did so I found that it usually resulted in a complete reversal on the part of my accuser.  But over the years I learned the hard way never to respond to letters or emails or texts in an acrimonious way.  But to allow their retort to go unanswered.   The Bible says a soft answer turns away wrath.  

Matthew 5:38, in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said Verse 38,  "You have heard that it was said, 'AN EYE FOR AN EYE, AND A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH.' But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you. You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on [the] evil and [the] good, and sends rain on [the] righteous and [the] unrighteous.”  So in other words, Jesus is saying that God does good to evil people, and so should we.

In the same way notice that Peter says, rather than retaliate, give a blessing instead.  That’s kind of like taking our response to evil to another level.  How do you give a blessing to those who insult you?  How do you give a blessing to someone who has done evil towards you?  Peter says give a blessing to such people.  How do you do that in real life?

Well, to start with, I believe giving a blessing means to forgive them.  Jesus when He was being nailed to a cross, prayed “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”  Stephen prayed the same thing when he was being stoned to death.  To forgive someone is to bless them.  Another way Jesus showed us to give a blessing is to pray for them. It’s to seek their good, ultimately, to seek their salvation. 

Peter said in vs 9, “but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.”  To inherit something means that you didn’t earn it.  It’s something that is given to you. This blessing we have been given is no less than everlasting life and all the glory that will be ours at the consummation of the Kingdom. And since you were given a blessing you didn’t earn, then the principle is that we should give a blessing to those who don’t deserve it as well. 

The next attribute that we are to exhibit if we are living the good life is we must have the right standard.  In vs 10 Peter is quoting from the Old Testament, Psalms 34.  He’s quoting from scripture to validate what he is saying.  In other words, he’s not just making up this criteria out of worldly philosophy, but he’s providing a scriptural basis.  And notice that the verses  he is quoting from in Psalm 34 echo the very same themes he has been saying in vs 8 and 9. 

Let’s read what he quotes;  For, "THE ONE WHO DESIRES LIFE, TO LOVE AND SEE GOOD DAYS, MUST KEEP HIS TONGUE FROM EVIL AND HIS LIPS FROM SPEAKING DECEIT.  "HE MUST TURN AWAY FROM EVIL AND DO GOOD; HE MUST SEEK PEACE AND PURSUE IT. 

So if you want to have the good life, the zoe life, the life of Christ living in you, then don’t speak evil, don’t speak deceitfully, slanderously, insultingly.  Turn away from evil and do good, give a blessing instead, pray for them, forgive them.  Seek peace and pursue it.  In the beatitudes Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.”  That’s a blessing that we cannot even comprehend, to be called the sons of God.  In Romans 12:18 Paul said, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.”  I wonder if we are doing that to the best of our ability.  I wonder if instead of being called peacemakers, maybe we are being called troublemakers. I hope not. 

The final aspect of the good life that we are to aspire to is that we need the right incentive. Notice vs 12, which is still quoting from Psalm 34,  “FOR THE EYES OF THE LORD ARE TOWARD THE RIGHTEOUS, AND HIS EARS ATTEND TO THEIR PRAYER, BUT THE FACE OF THE LORD IS AGAINST THOSE WHO DO EVIL.”

So our incentive to live the good life is because the eyes of the Lord are watching us. The eyes of the Lord is a rather ominous phrase, isn’t it?  We get the picture of God watching to see if we are going to mess up and then He will punish us.  But the eyes of the Lord is not necessarily a figure of speech that implies judgement so much as it means watch care over His people.  It’s like a father or a mother who watches over their children, never taking their eyes off of them.  

Why is the Lord watching us so closely?  Is it to pounce when we fall?  No, the Psalmist says it’s because His ears attend to our prayer.  In other words, He is watching over us, listening for our prayers.  He is waiting for us to call out to Him, much as a parent watches over a child playing outside, their ears tuned in case he should call out Mommy! or Daddy!   And God is ready and willing to come to our rescue at a moment’s notice.  Read the rest of Psalm 34, I don’t have time to read it all again now, but it’s a Psalm of assurance that God will rescue us, that He will help us in the time of need.

Vs.4, “I sought the LORD, and He answered me, And delivered me from all my fears.”

Vs 6,7,  “This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him And saved him out of all his troubles.  The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear Him, And rescues them.”

Vs. 17, “The righteous cry, and the LORD hears And delivers them out of all their troubles.”

So there is the response of a merciful, gracious, compassionate Father towards His children, watching over them, listening to their prayers.  He helps us when we are unjustly treated, He helps us when we suffer.  He helps us when we try to walk like Christ walked as sanctified in a fallen world. 

But there is a different response of God towards those that are evil.  It says the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.  If you are not a child of God, (and children are known by their resemblance to their Father,) then God will turn to those with a face of wrath.   There will be a day of judgement for every careless word or deed for every man and woman living on the earth. The face of the Lord is often used in the Bible to speak of judgment.

Revelation 6:16,  When at the coming of Christ the people begin to cry for the rocks and the mountains to fall on them they say, "Fall on us and hide us from the face of Him who sits on the throne and from the wrath of the Lamb."  The face of God, the face of the Lamb, associated with wrath, with anger against sinners.  There will be a day of reckoning for those who reject Christ.

The invitation still stands however, for those in their sins to become a child of God.  That you may receive  the life that comes from Christ, even the best life, the good life, the zoe life, life eternal.  Jesus came to offer Himself as a substitute to take your place by death on the cross to save you from the penalty of sin, if you will just trust Him and believe in Him as your Lord and Savior.  To those who come to Him in faith He will give eternal life.  You can live the good life.  You can have life, and have it more abundantly.  Turn to Jesus today and trust Him as your Savior for the forgiveness of your sins, and find new life in Him.  

Submission in the family, 1 Peter 3:1-7

As we begin our exposition of chapter 3, it’s necessary to remember the greater context of Peter’s epistle, the theme of which I believe is sanctification.  Sanctification is to be holy, to be conformed to the image of Christ.  To become Christlike.  And as we have seen submission is one of the primary means by which God produces sanctification in us.  

Peter talked about submission to government in chapter 2 vs 13; he says submit to every human institution. He is talking about human and societal government.  As Christians, the principle is that we are to submit to government.  Now there may be exceptions to that rule, but Peter is stating the general rule and not the exceptions.  We must be careful not to look at God’s decrees in light of what loopholes we might find to get out of it, but remember the over arching principle.

Secondly, Peter talked about submission in the workplace in chapter 2 vs 18.  And in both of these situations, both government and the workplace, the emphasis is on being submissive even when such entities are not reasonable, even when they may seem undeserving of our honor.  

The third area of submission that we are looking at today is in the realm of marriage, or the family.  And again, though I think the principles contained here are clearly applicable to Christian marriage, yet the emphasis of Peter in regards to the woman’s role, especially, is in a marriage in which either the husband is not a believer, or he is not walking with the Lord.  So in all three situations, whether in government, or in the workplace, or in the home, the goal is that your living testimony by submission serves to bring others to Christ.

When a person becomes a Christian it’s perhaps tempting to feel that now that they are saved they are superior to society.  They might feel superior to government, superior to their employer, or superior to their unsaved mate.  But an attitude of superiority is not what we are supposed to be expressing to this world. Our purpose in being here is to be a testimony, to evangelize the world for Christ. And counter to human reason, God uses submissiveness to human institutions as a means of winning them to Christ.

Notice then a key phrase in vs one as well in vs seven.  Do you see it?  The key phrase is “in the same way.”  First to wives and then to husbands he’s reaffirming the principle of submission.  And don’t forget, the supreme example given of submission in chapter 2 was the submission of Christ.  The ultimate illustration of submission is that of Jesus Christ.  The Apostle Paul states in Phil. 2:5-8 “Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus,  who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, [and] being made in the likeness of men.  Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”  

Jesus, though equal with God in all respects,  was submissive to the will of the Father, and even became a servant to us, that He might bring us to God, even to the point of submitting to death on the cross.  And so Peter presents Christ at the end of chapter 2 as the ultimate example of submission which is to be the pattern for us. 

So in the same way that Christ is our pattern for submission Peter says, wives should submit to their own husbands.  Notice though it says to their own husbands.  Peter is speaking specifically of wives being in submission to their own husbands.  Not submission to all men in every circumstance.  But to their own husbands.  This isn’t talking about women in the workplace. It’s not a principle for women in government.  Women may well be superior to men in the workplace.  A woman may be in a position of authority in governmental office and not be out of line with scriptural dictates.  This is in reference to a wife and her husband.  

I don’t  want to explore every possible Biblical inference in regards to a woman’s role in the church and so forth in this message.  Peter isn’t addressing all of that here, and so I think it’s better to stick with what he is saying rather than use this text as a trampoline to go jumping off into all different directions and try to take on the whole subject of femininity. Peter is talking about marriage, and that’s more than enough for us to deal with this morning. 

So Peter says in vs 1, wives be submissive to your own husbands.  The word submissive in Greek is the word hypotassō; which  means to be in subjection, to line up under.  It’s often used in a military context as lining up in rank.  It means to realize that you are to take your place as subordinate to the leadership and the headship of your husband.  This is God's design for marriage. The husband has been given the responsibility to be the spiritual leader of the home. 

It doesn’t mean that women are inferior, but that they are to be subordinate. In the military, for instance, the soldiers in a unit may be of varying degrees of strength or abilities or intelligence, but one has been given the responsibility to lead, irregardless of whether or not a subordinate may be superior in some regard.  And in a similar way, in a marriage it doesn’t mean that women are inferior in character or in intelligence, or virtue or ability, but they have been simply given a role that puts them in the place of submission to a headship which is given to their husband by God.

Paul speaking of this principle in 1Cor. 11:3 says,  “But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.” So God has ordained this order of subordination. This principle of submission fits into a greater principle which theologians refer to as complementarianism.  Complementarianism is the view that God has created men and women equal in their essential dignity and human personhood but different yet complementary in function, with male headship in the home being understood as part of God’s created design.  In God’s design, the woman has strengths to complement the man’s weaknesses and the man has strengths to complement the woman’s weaknesses.  They are better together.  Yet man has been given the responsibility of headship. 

So there is equality but yet different roles, different responsibility.  There is equality but one has been given authority.  And we see that illustrated in the trinity.  That is why Peter used Jesus as  an example of submission; Jesus was equal with the Father, but He submitted to the Father’s will. And in the same way as Christ submitted to the Father, wives are to submit to their husbands. 

Now a lot of people are quick to point out the problems with this arrangement.  We’re quick to point out the fact that the husband may not living as he should.  And so Peter goes to that possible objection right away by applying it to those wives who live with a husband who is not living in obedience to the word.  Now on the other hand, the argument from silence might be that if a husband is living according to the word, then submission to such a husband should not be an issue.  But to the point that a husband is not living in accordance with the word, either because they are unsaved or backslidden, Peter says, “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.”

So the important point Peter is making is that submission is not dependent upon the merit of the husband.  It isn’t reciprocal.  The fact that he isn’t nice, or he isn’t godly, or he doesn’t treat you the way he should is not an excuse for insubordination.  Paul makes the case in Ephesians chapter 6, that you are to submit to your husband as unto the Lord.  Eph. 5:22-24 “Wives, [be subject] to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself [being] the Savior of the body.  But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives [ought to be] to their husbands in everything.”  So in submission to the Lord the wife submits to her husband.  Submit to him as you would to the Lord.

Notice also Peter says that by your actions you might win your husband without a word.  So the salvation of the husband is accomplished not by preaching to him, or nagging, or through argument, but by your behavior. The submission of a Christian woman to her unsaved or disobedient husband is the strongest evangelistic tool she has.  It's not what she says that will win him, it’s what she is.  This is a principle that has even broader application in the church; our lives are our greatest testimony to the world, not by what we say or preach, but how we act.  And the goal of a wife’s  submission to an ungrateful, or even unloving husband is that they may be won to Christ as they observe your life.

So the first duty of the wife then is submission to her husband, even if he is not living the way he should.  There's a second responsibility which is given in verse 2; the responsibility to  faithfulness.  Verse 2 says, "As they observe your chaste and respectful behavior." Chaste means irreproachable conduct, especially in the area of extramarital relationships.  There is never an excuse to be unfaithful as a wife in this area.  That may sound like something that shouldn’t even need to be said if you’re talking about Christian wives.  But unfortunately, infidelity happens just as frequently in the church as it does in the world.  

But faithfulness also extends to respectful behavior.  It’s interesting that in Ephesians 5 when Paul is giving instructions to both husbands and wives, he places the responsibility on the man to love his wife, but the responsibility of the woman is to respect her husband.  Eph. 5: 33 “Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must [see to it] that she respects her husband.”  Respect is to give him honor.  To respect him as her husband.  To respect his authority under God. 

The third principle comes in verses 3 through 6 and it is modesty.  verse 3 it says, "Let not your adornment be merely external, braiding the hair and wearing gold jewelry or putting on dresses.”  I think it’s fair to say that in our society today the normal perception of beauty in  women is concerned with the outside appearance, with adornment. How they look, and what they can do to make themselves look beautiful.  And that’s nothing new, really.

The same was true in Peter’s day.  In ancient Rome, it was fashionable for women to dye their hair, they wore wigs.  It was popular to make wigs from hair gathered in Germany.  So I suppose they might have worn blonde wigs.  They wore it in elaborate designs, piled up on their heads.  They wore perfume, decorated their clothing with jewels and so forth, showing their wealth in their clothing. 

And it wasn’t just the Greeks and Romans.  Listen to Isaiah 3:18, as the Lord rebukes the women of Israel.  Isa 3:18-23 “In that day the Lord will take away the beauty of [their] anklets, headbands, crescent ornaments,  dangling earrings, bracelets, veils,  headdresses, ankle chains, sashes, perfume boxes, amulets,  finger rings, nose rings,  festal robes, outer tunics, cloaks, money purses,  hand mirrors, undergarments, turbans and veils.” That seems to be a summary list of the finery that women adorned themselves with in that day.

 

But let me just clarify something.  Peter is not saying that such outward adornment is in and of itself a bad thing.  There has been a lot of misapplication of this verse which has been interpreted to mean women shouldn’t wear makeup and things like that.  I personally am not a fan of a lot of makeup.  But like my dad used to say, if the barn needs painting, then paint it. The point though that Peter is making is not an indictment against looking your best, but a preoccupation with only the outward appearance,  instead of a focus of the wife on her inward beauty, which is more important.  

So what is it that the wife is to do in adorning the inner person?  Look again at verse 4, “but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.”   “Gentle” means meek, humble.  And “a quiet spirit” means a calm disposition. The opposite of that would be prideful, cantankerous. So the desired inward beauty of a wife is the woman with a humble, peaceful, calm disposition.  That is the inner virtue that a woman is to pursue and that is what wins the heart of a man.   And note that it wins the heart of God as well; “which is precious in the sight of God.”  This is the virtue that is pleasing to God. 

Then Peter, like a good preacher, gives an illustration.  And as I said last week, the best sermon illustrations are from the scriptures.  Look at verse 5.  “For in this way in former times the holy women also who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands."  What does he mean by saying holy women?  Well, he’s talking about the women of the Old Testament who are given for our examples.  They hoped in God.  in other words, they were true believers.  They put their trust in God rather than trusting in their beauty or their own resourcefulness.  And he says, they’re the models we are to follow.

I can’t help but compare that to the models of contemporary women.  Just looking around at the magazines at the checkout stand in the grocery store you get bombarded by the models that society puts out there for the women to emulate. Granted, they might have external beauty, but if you ever read any interviews with them about their attitudes and perspective about life, you should quickly discern that they are no proper model for a Christian woman. 

But Peter gives us one who is worthy of emulation, and that is Sarah. Now the Bible tells us that Sarah was a very beautiful woman.  When she was even 80 years old, Abraham was still worried that he might be killed because someone else might want to take her as a wife.  That’s how beautiful she was.  But that’s not the virtue of Sarah that Peter says women should try to emulate.  Look at vs 6, “just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.” 

So Sarah’s submission to her husband is a model that women ought to pattern their life after.  Peter says her defining attribute was that she obeyed Abraham.  She's a model of obedience.  She called him "lord." Lord was a title of respect, of obedience.  It was a title of submission. The record of that is found in Genesis 12vs 18, where Sarah laughed to herself, saying, “After I have become old, shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?”  I”m sure that this is not the only time when she referred to him that way, but it’s an example of the way in which she commonly spoke of him. And what it indicates is an attitude of submission to her husband.

Peter says if you follow Sarah’s example you will “become her children, if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.”  I think what might be indicated there is that there can be a fraternity among women that encourages independence and ridicules a woman who accepts the role of a godly wife, being submissive to her husband. And far too often it’s this fear of ridicule, of not measuring up to this fraternity of feminism, of independence, that sometimes prompt women to “stand up” against their husband, to reject the God given role that has been appointed.  And that is a grave mistake.  Because there is a greater blessing in following the Lord than in following the world’s template. 

 And a good marriage is a great blessing that God has ordained for all men.  That’s what is indicated in vs 7 in the phrase; “fellow heir of the grace of life.” One interpretation of that is the common blessing that God has given to men and women through marriage.  I think that there is nothing better than a good marriage.  There is nothing better than having someone who loves you and whom you love, and to be able to share life together.  Life is not better alone.  And a lot of women who have listened to the world and rejected the authority of their husbands for the sake of what the popular culture has told them is better, which is to be independent - I think a lot of them will discover perhaps too late that it was a lie.  Marriage is a God ordained grace of life, or gift of life that God extends to all who will accept it.

Now finally, in vs 7, Peter addresses the husbands. He spent six verses on wives and only one on husbands.  There is some disparity there, I suppose, but you can take that up with Peter, not with me.  However, the opening phrase encompasses a lot of what has already been said and applies it to the husband by saying, “In the same way…” In this same attitude of submission you husbands live with your wives…” 

Paul, back in Ephesians 5 talking about marriage, starts off by saying “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”  So there is a sense in which husbands are to submit to their wives as well.  How does that look?  Well, it’s not submission to her authority, or to her  leadership, but he submits to her needs.  We submit our world and our priorities for the sake of serving her and meeting her needs.  And a woman has different needs than a man.  As Paul addressed in Ephesians 5, her primary need is love, and all that entails.

And so Peter gives three attitudes that a husband should have towards his wife.  The first is consideration. He says “live with your wives in an understanding way.”  The word for understanding is the word gnosis in the Greek, which has more meaning than what we might realize in our language.  It’s talking about experiential knowledge. It’s talking about being sensitive to her feelings, to her needs, and ultimately to know her physically, intimately.  In the scriptures to know a woman as your wife meant to consummate your marriage sexually.  

Additionally the word for live is sunokeon, which means to dwell together with someone in the same house, to be intimate, to be close physically. It’s used in the Septuagint to indicate intercourse.  So there is an injunction to live together, to love her intimately, to understand her needs and supply those needs on an emotional and physical level. 

Secondly, in addition to consideration, there needs to be chivalry in your relationship with your wife.  That’s a word that has fallen out of favor in modern times, but it means to act as her protector, her provider.  Peter says “live with her as with someone weaker, since she is a woman.” Now this is not a put down, but a realization of her comparative physical weakness. Contrary to the view of popular media that wants to portray women as having tremendous physical strength, it should be pretty apparent in real life that women as a whole are weaker physically than men. As a general rule men are typically bigger and stronger physically than women.  Women may have all sorts of advantages over men in regards to endurance or perhaps intelligence or able to withstand pain or whatever.  I am not going to debate that.  But what the scripture is saying is that a woman is weaker physically.  The KJV says a weaker vessel.  That refers to the outward, physical stature of a woman.  Not the inward, but externally.  And that’s a general rule.  I’m sure there are exceptions to that as well.  But one look at the roster of any major NFL team should be all the confirmation that we need on that subject.

So a wife benefits from the physical strength of the husband. She is to be protected, provided for.  She should be cherished.  The third injunction to husbands is that of companionship.  

"Grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life."  As I said earlier, the grace of life in one sense means the gift of life.  It’s not necessarily speaking of eternal life, but the blessings of life.  Marriage is God’s gift to mankind. Peter says you are heirs together in this blessing of God. 

I  read some time ago an article in the news in which someone wrote about the benefits of marriage over living together.  And the author talked about a recent study which showed major advantages of health and happiness and contentment that came as a result of being married as opposed to living together or cohabitation.  I’m not going to take the time to review those points, but this benefit of marriage is what is called a common grace.  It’s a grace of God that is given to all mankind to enjoy.  It’s unfortunate that instead people would rather believe the lie of the devil that they can have intimacy outside of marriage, that they can find happiness in one night stands.  Marriage is a gift of God to man that increases our happiness and contentment in this world. 

The final point is another blessing of a godly marriage and particularly of submission in marriage, and that is your prayers are unhindered.  Peter says in vs 7 that men are to treat their wives with honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. Sinfulness hinders prayer.  But James says the prayers of a righteous man accomplishes much.  You want your prayers answered?  Then make sure you are living in submission to your husband or wife in a godly manner.  Make sure you are not putting a stumbling block in front of your mate by your rebellion or by your insolence.  God will not honor a person who is not submitting to His word.  And ultimately, our submission is to the Lord first.  We submit to one another as unto the Lord. And when we have that kind of harmonious relationship in our family, it  results in unhindered communication with the Lord as well, which will enable our prayers.  

I hope we have come to understand today that submission is not a dirty word.  In fact, as the church is likened to the bride of Christ, we must submit to the Lord in all things, recognizing His authority, His provision, His sovereignty over our lives.  That’s the significance in calling Jesus Lord.  I pray that as your first priority you have submitted to Christ as Lord of your life.  That’s the way to receive the grace of life that God has given to all who believe in Him.