Today is my wife and I’s 29th wedding anniversary. So it’s particularly ironic that we find ourselves looking at the subject of divorce. Twenty nine years is a long time. It’s a life sentence. Seriously though, the secret to our long marriage is that divorce was never an option. We made a promise to God for life.
When I told someone the other day that I was going to be speaking on divorce at this Sunday morning service their response was that I would most likely offend most of the people in the congregation. Last week I already managed to offend most people. And now today we’re probably going to offend the rest of you. So it’s not without some trepidation that I attempt to expound on this subject today. However, in my defense, I will say at the beginning, that Jesus is the author of this message, not me. I am just the messenger.
However the same concern of offense could be said about Jesus’s address on divorce. The question, posed by the Pharisees, was designed to make Him offensive to the ears of the multitudes, if not even His own disciples. There were two possible answers, and both of them would end up offending someone. So that’s why Mark says that the Pharisees came to test Jesus. They wanted to discredit Him, to make Him offensive to people, and they figured that this question was a good way to do it. Because the subject of marriage and divorce has been a volatile issue for a long time. It’s not only a hot button issue in our culture, but it was in Jesus’s culture as well.
But as a preamble to this discussion, I would like to reiterate a point I’ve made before, that Christianity is not just a spiritual experience, nor is it a list of do’s and don’ts, but it is a way of life, a new way of living. That’s why in the early church period it was called “The Way”. It’s not only the way of salvation, but it’s the way that God has designed man to live. The way of the abundant life that Jesus spoke of. So then, as we look at this passage today, it’s important not just to see an iron clad, restrictive law, but life giving principles which precede and inform that law.
So notice the question of the Pharisees. They ask in vs.2, “whether it was lawful for a man to divorce a wife.” The emphasis is on whether or not it was lawful. The Pharisees were supposed to be experts in the law. But now they come to Jesus to seek His advice on the law? Not hardly. They came to catch Him. The problem was not the law. We will see what the law states in a moment. The problem came in interpreting the law. There were two famous rabbis, one named Hillel and the other Shammai. Hillel was for the more liberal interpretation, whereas Shammai favored a very conservative, or strict interpretation. Hillel basically said that the law allowed a man to divorce his wife for almost any reason whatever. If she no longer met his approval, if she burned the toast, whatever the reason he now viewed her unfavorably, he could divorce her.
Shammai on the other hand, held to a conservative interpretation, which said that divorce was only permissible in the case of immorality. The underlying problem with divorce in that society, was that it was predominately a man’s prerogative. Men had complete authority in society. Women were second class citizens. My daughter and I saw a movie the other night which was set in Afghanistan. And the movie made it clear that the attitude even today in our modern times among many in the Middle East towards women is that they are second class citizens. They are considered the property of the husband. And as such they can do what they want with the women. That view gives rise to great injustices to women in the Middle Eastern cultures today. And I think such a view was very popular in ancient Israel as well. Today in western culture we see women suing for divorce just as much if not more than men. It was just the opposite in the past. But in the time of Christ, it was defiantly the prerogative of men.
So Jesus is put on the spot by this question. He’s going to offend many people no matter what He says. So what did Jesus say? Which camp of interpretation did He ascribe to?
You know, the difficulty in these sort of questions is that everyone has an opinion. Everyone wants to express what they think is right and what they think sounds fair. And that’s where the difficulty comes, because though everyone is entitled to their opinion not everyone is in agreement. However, I love the fact that Jesus shows us the source of wisdom. He does not offer His opinion. But rather He goes to the scriptures. The scriptures can be relied upon to give us God’s truth, which is the same yesterday, today and forever. The scriptures do not change. Rabbis, teachers, preachers, come and go over the centuries, most of them long forgotten. But the word of the Lord endures forever. Fashions change, cultures change, societies rise and fall, but God’s word never changes. We have all heard people use the excuse that we live in a different culture today than they did in those times. But I must tell you, that the culture must bow down to the word of God, and not vice a versa.
Jesus answers from the scriptures. He answers from the law, which was the standard that the Pharisees were supposed to be championing. Note vs3, And He answered and said to them, “What did Moses command you?” Moses wrote the Law. God gave it to Moses on the mountain, and then Moses gave the law to the people, both verbally and in the form of the scriptures.
The Pharisees of course know the law, and they are eager to show their knowledge, so they answer, “Moses permitted a man TO WRITE A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY.” They were quoting from Deut. 24. But they were placing the emphasis on the wrong aspects of the law. They interpreted it as saying you could divorce your wife for whatever reason, but you must give her a written bill of divorce. However, this specific aspect of the law was really written to be a protection to the wife, that once you have given her up, you cannot afterwards take her back again if she had lost the next husband for any reason. It was a concession to divorce made for the wife’s benefit, and not an excuse for the husband to dump his wife.
But that was the sort of minute detail that the Pharisees loved to squabble over. Such dissection of the law gave them the opportunity to find a way around the principle of the law. But Jesus brings them back to the overarching principle. Vs 5 But Jesus said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. "But from the beginning of creation, God MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE. "FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, 8 AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”
Notice first that Jesus tells them that Moses made this concession, not to give license to divorce, but that if they sinned in putting away their wife, they must write her a bill of divorce. The point Jesus is making is that Moses wrote this because of the hardness of their heart. Moses knew that some hard hearted men would want to send away their wives so they could find another one they liked better. So Moses wrote the law that way to protect the woman. Because he knew that the Jewish men had hardened hearts. They were not all going to keep the law of marriage as God intended it. So Jesus said, "Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment.”
What is a hardened heart? Stubbornness, pride, desire for preeminence, an unbending desire to do what you want to do. Well, what would the opposite be? A heart that is contrite, repentant, humble, and willing to serve others. There are many occurrences in the Scriptures of the phrase, "hardness of heart." We are warned again and again against hardening our hearts. We are reminded of when Moses was sent to Pharaoh and told to deliver the message of God: "Let my people go." When Pharaoh heard that word, he "hardened his heart," (Exodus 8:15, 8:32, 9:34, 10:1). What does that mean? It means he determined to handle things his own way. He determined to do what he felt like doing in the situation, to handle it his own way, and to ignore the word of God. This is hardening of the heart. When you determine that you are going to handle something yourself, and not pay any attention to what God reveals about it, you are hardening your heart. This is what was going on in the marriages in Israel and unfortunately is still occurring in the church today.
But then note that after rebuking them for the hardness of their heart, Jesus takes them back to the prevailing divine principle. Jesus said in vs.6, "But from the beginning of creation, God MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE. "FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, 8 AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one flesh.” To establish the principle, Jesus takes them back before Moses, before even Abraham, all the way back to the beginning of creation. Jesus quotes from Genesis 1:27 and 2:24. But in taking them back to the beginning, Jesus takes them back to the institution of marriage. Not just the concession of divorce, which obviously has to come after marriage, but back to marriage itself. And from these verses we learn that marriage is a divine institution, not a civil institution. That’s why governments have traditionally recognized the church as the governing body for marriage. Marriage’s legitimacy comes from God, not the government.
The problem with the Jews, just as it is the problem of us today, is not that we don’t understand divorce, but that we don’t understand what God purposed in marriage. We have a low view of marriage, and thus we have a low view of divorce. Today many people want to say, “We live in a different culture” or “The rules are different today” or “We need a practical understanding.” Yet Jesus knew that the timeless answers were found in going back to the beginning of God’s purposes in creation.
First, notice that Jesus states the design of God in creation. "From the beginning of creation, 'God made them male and female.'" He made them to be distinct and different sexes. He made them to have different roles, different responsibilities. Men and women are designed to be different, yet complimentary.
I couldn’t help but notice the craziness of the Women’s March that was going on yesterday in Washington, DC and other cities around the country. I’m not sure what they were protesting against. I saw people wearing Black Lives Matter shirts, and holding Dump Trump signs. But I guess the underlying goal was equality of women. But the fact is that God didn’t make man and woman the same. He made them different by design. When God created all the creatures of the earth and sky and sea, God said it was good. But when God created Adam, He said that it was not good for man to be alone. So God created woman, to help man, to complete man. That’s the symbolism of taking a rib out of Adam’s side. She is now bone of his bone, and flesh of his flesh. They are designed to be different, yet one flesh. To complement one another that they may be better together. Man alone is not good, but man and woman as one is good.
And that oneness indicates the desire of God. "'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one.' So they are no longer two but one." Jesus says, ”For this reason" -- what reason is He speaking of? He is quoting from Genesis 2:24 which comes just after Adam says, “This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” So the reason they are joined together is because she was taken out of Man. She comes back to complete him and he her.
That is what they were made male and female for -- in order that ultimately they might be joined together and become one. That is the desire of God. This oneness is a divine attribution which God intends for us to also enjoy. Jesus prayed in John 17:22 "The glory which You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one.”
The term Jesus uses in vs9 for joined together literally means yoked together. Like two horses yoked together, couples must work together and head the same way to really be joined the way God wants them to be joined. Thus Paul speaking to the church in 2Cor. 6:14 says, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?”
According to God’s principles then, the husband and wife form a team, a partnership. They have been joined together by God to fulfill God’s purposes. What God has joined together, let no man separate.
Furthermore, it’s clear that this passage does away with the notion of a same sex marriages. Marriage is designed by God to be between a man and a woman. And there are no provisions for polygamous marriages. Marriage is one man and one woman, and it always has been from the very beginning. Because of the hardness of man’s heart, men in the Bible sometimes took more than one wife. But they never did so without bringing a curse upon themselves. God never intended for there to be but one man with one woman, and as such He made them for one another. How foolish it is to go against the design of the creator.
The Lord makes clear is that this marriage relationship is the highest relationship possible in life. Note that it takes priority over all others. It’s closer even than the ties of blood; a man shall leave his mother, and a woman leave her home. They come together in a bond that is deeper than family relations. "A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife." It is a closer relationship than that to any of their children who follow. The priority of the marriage relationship is before the relationship of mother’s and father’s to children. That’s an important principle that has to be prioritized in blended marriages. In the design of creation, people are to become husbands and wives before they become fathers and mothers. That’s a principle that is fast becoming out of fashion, but it’s not out of fashion with God. But what a mess we make out of our lives when we dismiss these divine principles.
And I would like to take this opportunity to tell you that not only is marriage the highest relationship possible in the physical realm, but it is a picture of the highest relationship possible in the spiritual realm. If you look at Genesis 2, which we were looking at just now. After God said it was not good for man to be alone, He does a strange thing. Notice that God does not straight away create woman. But instead, in vs19 of chapter 2 of Genesis God caused all the animals of the earth to pass in front of Adam. And Adam named all the animals. Notice vs.20 “The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him.”
That was the point of the whole exercise. To show Adam that there was not a helper suitable to him in the whole of creation. And so then God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and He drew the rib from Adam’s side and created woman. Now I would submit to you that is a picture of the situation in heaven. Before creation, God looked around all of his universe and all of heaven, and every creature that lives in the heavens, and there was not found a helper suitable for Him. God desired a companion, who would be like Him, who would love Him. And so God formed man out of the dust of the ground. Every other creature, every other plant of the earth, every other thing that God made, He spoke into existence, and it was made, and it was good. But when God made man, He got down on His knees in the dirt and formed man out of the dust of the ground, and then when He had finished making him, God put His lips to man’s lips and blew the breath of life into him, and man became a living soul. God created mankind to be His bride, to be married to Him. Male and female He created them. And God wants to be one with His bride. God loves His bride which the Bible teaches us is the church. God made it possible for the church to be with Him forever through the death of Jesus Christ. And God wants us to love Him, to cleave to Him and Him only. God promised that He would never leave us, nor forsake us. He will be with us forever. God hates divorce and so He will never divorce us.
So marriage is a serious business to God, because it represents God’s relationship to the church. Jesus then gives the disciples a further word of warning. "What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder."
When the disciples were alone with Him later in the house they ask Him to explain about divorce again. They want clarification. Perhaps they too held to the liberal view of marriage, and were having a hard time accepting what Jesus had taught.
So Jesus says again in vs11, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.” Notice first of all, Jesus includes our more modern society in this statement. It’s not just a man thing in Jesus’s eyes. Jesus makes it clear that women who divorce outside of Biblical grounds are in sin as well. Notice second of all, that Jesus expands the law. The Jews were looking to limit the law. They were looking for loopholes. They were looking for the concession to divorce to be liberal beyond adultery and to include burning the toast. But Jesus goes beyond the letter of the law to the principle of the law. And ironically, rather than enlarging divorce beyond adultery He makes it clear that divorce except for adultery constitutes adultery. Rather than exempting divorce, Christ equates divorce as adultery.
In Matthew’s gospel there is a more complete record of Christ’s teaching. In Matthew 19:9 Jesus said, “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” With this answer, Jesus interpreted the meaning of the word uncleanness in Deuteronomy 24:1, showing that divorce and the freedom to remarry was only permitted in the case of sexual immorality.
Jesus makes it clear that though God permits divorce, He does not command it. In fact, Malachi 2 makes it clear that God hates divorce. And in vs.13 God associates unanswered prayer with divorce. So though God may give permission for divorce, yet His divine purpose is that there would be no divorce.
There is another scripture which we should mention which gives one other permission for divorce. In 1 Cor. 7:15, Paul added the case of abandonment by an unbelieving spouse. Paul says, “Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.” So if you are married to an unbeliever and they leave the marriage through divorce, then you are no longer under the bondage of the marriage. You are free in regards to being married and can remarry. Paul says the same thing to those who are widowed. In 1 Timothy 5:14 he says he wants younger widows to get married. So there are some things such as death and abandonment that constitute grounds for being set free from the marriage bonds. But the overarching admonition Paul makes is that God has called us to peace.
And that ties us back to the connection of the last verse of the last chapter. Mark 9:50b, “Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with one another.” To have salt, you will remember, is to have no corruption of sin, no hardness of your heart that would cause you to sin. And then to be at peace with one another. Paul reiterates that God has called us to peace. Peace is the lack of strife, envy and lust. Peace is the lack of striving against one another. Peace is unity, oneness. That is what marriage is supposed to accomplish. Marriage should be a divine symbol of peace and love, harmony and unity. As an example of the relationship we are to have with the Lord.
A Christian marriage is one in which there is peace in the home. But it takes a humble, servant’s heart to have that sort of peace. Men are to love their wives and serve their wives as Christ loved the church and gave up His life for her. So Peter tells husbands in 1Peter 3:7-9, “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.”
Peter speaks of a woman being weaker in a physical sense. And you can debate that with the Lord if you want. But in a spiritual sense Peter is saying she is not weaker, but notice she is a fellow heir. She will receive the same measure of reward in heaven as the husband. Both husband and wife are one in Christ. Gal 3:28-29 says “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's descendants, heirs according to promise.”
In Christ the woman is not culturally inferior, but she is a fellow heir of Christ. Man and woman were created to live in harmony with one another, to become one, even as we are one with Christ. When we have that kind of attitude about marriage, then we will have no problem with divorce. Christ laid down His rights, His power, His privilege, for the sake of reconciliation with mankind. Let us walk in HIs example, humbling ourselves, serving one another in the love of God.
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